So I'm here at work texting back and forth with the gentleman friend, who, by the way, is taking me to Universal this coming weekend and paying for everything. Oh and we're staying in a hotel room. Together. Um, overnighter. Oh my god. Oh and he also purchased me an ANNUAL PASS which implies that he wants to spend more time with me over the upcoming year.
And I totally let an opportunity to speak about feelings slip through my fingers.
Okay, I'm just bad at this, all right? I suuuuuuck at talking about feelings and things like that. Really suck. I want to tell him that I really care for him like a LOT but I don't know if that's quite what he's looking for (after all we have not had this sort of conversation yet, ever, in the ... holy crap, almost a year since the first time we've hooked up).
Anyway, he texts me: "Cool, I'm excited about going."
And all I can think of is: "Me too ... excited partly about going to the park, but more about spending time with you"
But all I answer is: "So am I."
URURUUUGHGLKJDG. Why can't I just tell him that this is how I feel, that I see him as more than just someone that I sometimes sleep with? I mean, the fact that he is taking me in the first place, on an overnight trip should be enough of a clue that this is a big deal, right? Right? I'm a chickenshit little pussy. Ugh.
Oh well. Maybe I'll grow some balls this weekend and figure out where we stand.
Either way, I'm suuper excited about this weekend.